Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Wedding Wire

Unlike my friends who attend four a week, I do not consider myself a wedding goer. Ever since I returned to Kuwait in January, I went to a total of two weddings and that is a high, at least for me. Throughout my life, I went to traditional, women’s-only Kuwaiti weddings. I noticed that time does not change the ever-present characters in this sumptuous occasions, starting with the 72-year-old who accidentally fell asleep on the comfortable couch as scantily clad women dance before her to the deafening music to the bride’s two-year-old nephew who is carried against his will into the splendidly lit hall. But who else remains?

1- Golden Girls: I divide Kuwaiti Golden Girls into two categories: the happy-go-lucky, light-hearted women who clap their hands humbly as they encourage their granddaughters to dance a little bit more and the crabby and stiff ones who eye others’ exposed cleavage before giving them a disapproving and judgmental glare. Whenever I look at the Golden Girls who are either wrapped up in their abbaya or perched on the edge of their seat with arched and alert eyebrows, I think to myself, “What will I be like at their age?”

2- The Strippers: I am amazed at how daintily some women can dance, especially belly dancing which, I think, is extremely hard to master in terms of coordination and overall harmony starting with foot movements and ending with arm and fingertip motions. A handful of young women dance to every other song, and as my friend once said, a few do it to get noticed by a possible suitor’s mother i.e. “My my, she can dance really well. I bet she will be a great mother to my only son’s future children.” However, I have noticed that this implicit dance has turned into a hardcore attempt of desperation to get hitched. During the last wedding I attended, one lithe girl with a head full of black hair would only bounce up from her seat when an Egyptian song blares through the hall’s speakers. Because not a lot of women are skilled in the art of belly dancing, the dance floor was almost bare when tunes in that specific genre would start to play. The only people dancing along to the Egyptian song was the 15-year-old girl who shyly shook her baby fat as her chubby mother urged her to continue, the 50-something blonde who blinded the crowd with a glamorous smile while she awkwardly knocked her pelvis back and forth, and the charming 30-something year old woman, the best dancer of the group, who gracefully floated in the corner as she danced in an almost balletic manner. Tthe black-haired young girl coquettishly shook the little junk she had as she made it to the center of the long aisle. With her elbows at her waist and her limp hands hanging flimsily by her shoulders, she began to slowly rotate her hips to the song’s beat. As the song’s pace quickened, she managed to move her hips faster and faster while fluffing and shaking her already puffy hair. She would occasionally look at the crowd while her tongue visibly glided over her teeth before she pressed it hard against her inner cheek. By now, some audience members could be seen with amused expressions as they turned to their left and right, “Who’s that girl up there? What’s her name?” The black-haired mystery would shockingly silence the crowd by suddenly dropping to the floor before springing back up again. Personally, I do not see the harm in dancing about to get noticed by future mother-in-laws, but getting down and dirty is a whole other matter. What are you promising, an earthshaking sex life?

3- Kiddies: I love seeing children’s varied reactions to weddings. Some of them adore the spotlight. You usually see them – usually little girls – posing in their pseudo-Cinderella outfit before the camera’s flash. Others become seriously overwhelmed by the noise and the mass of strange faces staring at them; they just stand there looking as dumbfounded as ever. However, I’m surprised at how others children are at ease and behave like their normal selves. As they stood with the rest of the family behind the bride and groom’s decorated seating area, I noticed a young boy’s mother smacking his hand away due to his index finger being halfway up his nose. And I know it is mean, but I think it is adorable when an infant starts to cry and squirm in his/her mother’s arms when they are semi-forced to stick around until it is their turn to take a picture with the married couple.

I know I missed some people. Care to share?

Charles & Eddie - Would I Lie to You Baby?
U96 - Love Sees No Color
Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Journey - Loving, Touching, Squeezing

at 11:42 AM


  1. Blogger Zahra posted at 2:48 PM  
    Adored your post. I think you summed them up pretty well but yes it seems like you missed some people. I always notice that 3 girls would be dancing in the same manner. I call them the triplets. They dance alike, they look alike, they do everything together. Also I am always terrified by the some of the make up choices and alien hairstyles! However I don't know what you could possibly call them.
  2. Blogger error posted at 5:20 AM  
    i hate it when we become the center of attraction
  3. Blogger Erzulie posted at 12:28 PM  
    zahra: Yeah, the triplets are always there. The thing is, it's hard to dance comfortably when you have two sets of them marching your way; you have to concentrate on your dancing as well as how you're going to strategically weave through the crowded aisle. It can be quite burdensome, especially if someone steps on your dress or if your heel gets stuck in someone's lacy tail. Ah the complexities of dancing. And the hair and makeup. Well, I personally like earthy makeup and warm colors like brown, black, beige, etc. But some girls splatter on bright and light blue all over their eyelids and it's unfortunate because some are actually pretty. However, I have to say that a few can pull it off quite well but again, it's a bit too 80's. Unlike the Elvis fad a few years ago, wedding hair is now just big. Period. Big when it's done up in a ponytail, big when it's let done or half up. I think it depends on the girl's face shape though.

    error: My first reaction to your comment was "I love it when you become the center of attraction"! Well, like it or not, you are one of the main events and yes, you are being eyed down with every step you take, so don't stumble! I feel really bad when a fat short guy walks between two tall dudes. And you know, there's always this one person amongst the parading men who is the oh-my-God-who-the-hell-is-that guy. After you know the name (if it's possible), he's either married or he's classified as a bad or good guy.
    Another thing that I noticed is how some girls take "trips" to the bathroom sans a decent shawl to cover their bare shoulders and bosom right after you guys leave. Desperation at it's peak.
  4. Blogger illusion posted at 6:29 AM  
    I would say the "GUYS". You have the I am too cool for myself guys (Takana), the ones that cover their faces up and dance like there's aunts in their pants up & donw the hall, and the poor shy ones that look like they are about to march into a battle field cuz they know they will be stared down by all these women.

    And of course lets not foget the guys that walk in like they are not looking but you know they have not missed looking at ALL the girls there

    Excellent post, made me laugh :)
  5. Blogger Temetwir posted at 4:32 PM  
    veHeekil entourages:

    back in the day kanaw yeforoon twinaat 3ala ay tagaa6o3 yemoron 3alaih wel S600s ye6le3oon kel far3y edroob

    hal ayaam habaabhom elwanaitat with chinese made 24s yege6oona N-D 3alabona "sa7by lailtah akeed bet3iz 3alay"
  6. Blogger Erzulie posted at 11:45 PM  
    illusion: I never really noticed the "tikana" handful, they all look pretty constipated to me with the exception of those, as you said, who do a little dance with female relatives near the doors' exit. I have seen, however, the bunch who do that cool - so they think - but not so smooth once over to the female audience. Whenever I see a guy look to his left to scan the women, I think "Dude! WE SEE YOU! WE KNOW!" Anyhow, I don't think that they'd spot much with that two second glance (well, they might get a glimpse of some unhid cleavage), mostly because everyone might look the same in that short duration i.e. hair, makeup and colorful clothing.

    temi: What the hell is "N-D"? I actually like the vehicle parade with the endless line of honking cars. But again, shino "wanaitat Chinese"? Do you mean that little van that has "Great China" written on the back? Are you talking Kuwaiti ghetto to me Mister? Hmmm!!! :P~
  7. Anonymous pearls posted at 1:59 PM  
    I enjoy weddings but at the same time weddings make me want to cry and sometimes I do esp. when I see the look on the bride's mother. I just feel a sense of loss too and I keep thinking what will I do if my son grows older and gets married? I'll cry a river ...
  8. Blogger brightside4 posted at 5:19 PM  
    Yup. Golden girls, belly-dancing strippers, and little kids.
    Thanks so much for that post. I really thought I was the only one who noticed this kind of thing. It's pretty scary how people seem to enjoy weddings in Kuwait. It's all for the women rather than the actual bride and groom.
    Did you notice the vampiress bride (MAKE-UP, MAKE-UP, MAKE-UP)?
    and yeah, SO MANY GIRLS go to the bathrooms without shawls. Disgusting. They seem to want to expose their third boob.
  9. Blogger Erzulie posted at 9:22 PM  
    pearls: I can SO relate. Even if I don't know the bride too well, I usually end up tearing up when I see her walking down the aisle. My heart starts to race and I think "Wow...this is a hell of a transition..." And of course, the crying mothers on the side are my cherry on top. I cried during my eldest brother's wedding...I remember my sister turning at me and smiling, "Wehh...bidat" :P~

    brightside4: I seriously don't know why some bride's overdo their makeup when I KNOW they look MUCH better with less on. Yes, they are brides and they should look absolutely fabulous, but looking themselves is also a priority. Some brides are unrecognizable. And yeah, I really don't know what's going in some girls' heads when they dart over to the restroom without any cover. I mean, do you think a decent guy would want you as his wife if you're shaking your bottom all the way to the restroom's door? Sad and strange...

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