Sunday, October 07, 2007

Kismet

“Look at so-and-so, she knew her husband for one month before they got married.”

I just stared at her, feeling insulted and stunned at the same time.

“I don’t want that. It might work for her but I’m almost positive that it won’t for me.”


The way I see it, you have one life. Every person who reads this will never be in, let’s say, 80 years from now. We will all be nothing but bones under the ground, rotting away. Imagine that for a second. We will all die and we will never be again in this world. At times, people dressed in special UV-protection suits will mention you casually, “Oh, *enter your name* used to eat his rice like that!” or “Your laugh reminds me of *enter your name* …” How gut wrenching is that? Anyhow, back to the way I see things…

So you have one life. Wouldn’t you want to look back and reminisce the feeling, both mental and physical, of being in love? I’m not talking about a silly old crush because those come and go and are usually shattered when the mysterious muse opens his/her mouth. I’m talking about that sort of love that makes you plain old stupid. You just feel a tingling all over you and you shiver in happiness. You feel light and carefree and you want to live in that moment forever.

Now my question is that who the hell would willingly give that experience up? You may call me unrealistic or that I’m living in my own fantasy world – which I love by the way - but why go into a union for life simply because the other person seems suitable? What about passion, that immediate click that makes you want to know more, individual similarities, giggles and weird sounding chuckles, code language and a common understanding that is known from one familiar and heart-warming look? No? Yes? YES!

*sigh*

This country needs a good dose of sincerity.


MP3's...
Felix Da Housecat - It's Your Move
Emotions - Best of My Love
Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love
Golden Earring - Radar Love
Pink Martini - Let's Never Stop Falling in Love
Malcolm Middleton - F*ck it, I Love You

at 1:59 AM

28 Comments

  1. Anonymous chikapappi posted at 4:06 AM  
    Ahh My kinda girl... we only live once - live it right bas most importantly, your way
  2. Blogger error posted at 5:24 AM  
    thats the tradeoff one opts for

    i know of person whom he was engaged for 2 weeks the got married.

    :P
  3. Anonymous Sushi posted at 7:01 AM  
    Some girls wait all their lives for that to happen & it doesn't, in the end they have no choice but to marry someone suitable so they don't die alone.
  4. Anonymous pearls posted at 9:36 AM  
    We all want to have a love story before any real commitments being done but we can't always have that. It's better sometimes to just let things take their way.
  5. Anonymous Swair posted at 10:06 AM  
    What's that cliche thing people always say?

    "Live today as if you have no tomorrow?"

    yea.. that.

    & I'm loving my single life as it is.. I like feeling this selfish sometimes, when the "Love Story" comes, let it come, but on my terms...
  6. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 1:10 PM  
    Wow. First 5aleeji person I come across that knows Pink Martini.
  7. Blogger Maryam posted at 2:55 PM  
    Hate bursting the bubble but it's kind of hard what you're asking for, especially in this country, with its mentality and their stupid definition and interpretation of love. Till this day, people around me who married out of love are not encouraging examples hmmmm wait and the other kind of marriage for that matter *confused*!!! But as you said: This country needs a good dose of sincerity.
  8. Blogger 3baid posted at 7:14 PM  
    What they're trying to say is, "there's no such thing as love. Love is being a wife, caring for your husband and family, and it's hard work! No tingly parts" :P
  9. Blogger Erzulie posted at 8:15 PM  
    chikapappi: True :)

    error: Well you know sometimes, although it's rare, people just click and it just takes one sitting for the sparks to fly. But nowadays, it's hard to trust that. The monster usually comes out of its cage after marriage, and that is something that worries me personally since I've heard many stories about couples who've known each other for four years or four months, and in both situations, one of them turned completely different after the knot was tied.

    sushi: I might say this now and change my mind later but I'd rather be happy alone than be married to someone who's just there to provide security. I understand where you're coming from, but I'm not sure it's the most truthful path to take. It just doesn't feel genuine, it's as if you're ripping yourself off and you just shrug your shoulders and take it...

    pearls: True, then again, going with the flow as you said might not satisfy the soul and inner self.

    swair: Yeah, the whole carpe diem bit. Well, I don't do that but in terms of jumping on the marriage bandwagon, I'd rather hold off for something I can sink my teeth in. And nowadays, you never want to jump in too quick, seeing as how we have a skyrocketing divorce rate. That tells you a lot about our society...but to think that one would know only shallow details about a person they're going to spend the rest of their life waking up to, that alarms me...

    maryam: Well, I'm not into the whole "Oh we're in love! Let's get hitched!" Many people in Kuwait do that but they approach the whole thing in a very immature sense, they don't know the huge amount of responsibility involved. On the other hand, you have the other type of marriages that are set by the family name and background, and in a lot of cases, these unions work but nowadays, it's getting harder...both individuals have to mesh well and actually like each other...problem is that people's character does not change i.e. il 6abe3 ma yit'3ayar...oo allah yaster 3ala a6ba3 hal jeel ilee mafee mithla...

    anon: Diversify your knowledge of the Khaleeji lot, you might be surprised (in a good or bad way :P)

    3baid: But for me, that part should be the tingliest! If one adores his/her spouse, then they would love to build a home with them and have fat beautiful babies bouncing around
  10. Blogger Ms.Baker posted at 8:50 PM  
    *SIGH*

    You sound a lot like me....

    I will only tell you that wanting, trying for, trusting in someone and sacrificing (at my own expense) for exactly what you have just described - in this country - in this society with these people, is very very very rare and very very risky. Most - and I truly mean most - have ulterior motives and want something from you, and it is definitely not your heart or your sincere love for the sake of it. You are such a lovely and purehearted girl :) But most people here are not, and CAN and WILL take advantage of your sincerity and clean heart, and will play you in the right way if they can. It is the ill nature of the twisted place we live in right now.

    Sorry for being so crushing. I had to learn my lesson the very very hard way, the lesson of using my brain to temper my overflowing heart and hopeful dreams, and had to wake up and smell the coffee. But here is something for you I hope balances what i just said, which comes from the (now hidden and tucked away) hopeful part of my heart that still (wants to) believe(s):

    Inshallah (my du3aa for you in these last ten days of Ramadan) you will soon find a lovely young man as sincere as you are, who will satisfy your brain and your family as well as your heart, one who will truly love you as you do him, who will learn and teach you what love is as you will for him, and inshallah you will both share the joy of building and raising a wonderful family and home together. Inshallah you get to experience everything you hope to, and it will be all that you dreamed of and lead you to the best husband a woman could ever wish for :)
  11. Blogger Erzulie posted at 11:13 PM  
    ms.baker: Well...heh...that was so beautiful ms. baker that i'm currently crying (!) thank you, from the bottom of my heart****
  12. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 12:03 AM  
    Sorry but the kind of love you want to have is very haram in Islam, that is why it is looked down upon in our society.

    By refusing to agree with it then you are refusing an important part of your religion and cannot call yourself a muslim. You can't have it both ways.
  13. Blogger Erzulie posted at 12:44 AM  
    anon:
    كل الأعمال بالنيات...والرسول ما كان إحب عايشة أكثر وحدة ؟ ها, ليلحين حرام الحب؟؟؟؟

    and my little loveless anonymous commenter, you cannot say "you cannot call yourself a muslim" to anyone no matter what...that's God's job :) in the meantime, stick to your earthly duties...
  14. Blogger Swair. posted at 2:20 AM  
    I don't blame you because it IS alarming.. what's even more alarming is how the people who should be shocked, aren't really as alarmed as we are!

    Mothers! *snaps fingers in their faces* wake up! I know nothing about this guy other than he graduated from some college and likes spicy food!
  15. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 3:35 AM  
    I am Khaleegi myself, but I've always been told my taste in music is out there lol

    Regarding the marraige issue, why force something when you can hold out for the real thing? I'm puzzeled by people who make marraige a priority, the people who force marraige and end up dealing with the aftermath of a loveless union. No fun.
  16. Blogger Erzulie posted at 4:08 PM  
    swair: i like spicy food...but not too spicy you know? sometimes it's so hot that you can't really taste what you're eating...that's not good...
    and oh, well it's not all the mothers fault...i just think that these things are individual cases...but for me, i wouldn't want to go into something crossing my fingers and saying "well, he seems like a nice guy...hopefully it'll work out..." umm, no. i don't know, it's that gut feeling that screams "erzulie, are you suuuuure?? are you absolutely positive???" people shouldn't dismiss that inner voice, especially in these matters, otherwise they'd end up regretting almost everything...

    anon: im currently holding out for something...real? and about the music, well...i don't know where to start :)
  17. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 7:13 PM  
    Get married already and save the rest of us the trouble of reading about it....
  18. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 7:20 PM  
    oh erzulie... i think u r a most beautifulest woman in kuwait and the world.. and the most inteligentsitic as well..

    i am highly interesting in u... i dont like annonymouse comment and i think it is not haram and islam is about most love.
    thanks you
  19. Blogger Erzulie posted at 8:33 PM  
    anon: nobody's forcing you to read shit...don't like this? skip to another blog...

    anon: sij ina ma 3indik salfa...and if you're who i think you are then some ass is going to get some serious booting tomorrow morning...
  20. Anonymous Dalal posted at 3:31 AM  
    They say marriage is about compromise. But where do u draw the line? And does compromising starts with choosing the “one”? In this place in takes a lot from a person to actually like him/herself since we’re constantly surrounded by s society that points out our flaws and tells us we’re not good enough (sometimes for things we have no control over).

    But I spent a great deal of time investing in myself and improving every aspect in my life wither it’s my relationship with my family, my work and my friendships and I never compromised. I look at the mirror now and I like the person I see in it but some how there this unspoken pressure to compromise in the single most significant relationship in a person’s life and settle for the Unknown.
    I cant do that to myself since I actually like myself and I wont compromise that.
  21. Anonymous Sushi posted at 8:38 AM  
    I dont think you should change your mind at all. I think you should keep the desire to make that happen, I know I do but not sure how long I can keep hoping lol The older you get the more you whither inside, if you know what I mean.
  22. Blogger 1001 Nights posted at 11:12 AM  
    The way I see it lasting love is all about luck. Some people date for years only to get divorced after marriage and some people don't date at all and have a lasting and successful marriage. I say when someone proposes you let your brain decide yes or no based on compatibility and then luck is what decides whether or not love forms between you two or not. I definitely believe love CAN come after marriage. And luck is from God. You either have luck in marriage or are unlucky and you get divorced or live with a total jerk. We can talk about it all we want but I think that's what it boils down to: Allah sub7ana shkatiblich? So in my opinion the best thing is that we pray for success in marriage and inshalla our prayers will be answered.
  23. Blogger Erzulie posted at 7:30 PM  
    dalal: personally, i think genuine compromises should be mutual and they should come naturally. you shouldn't feel like you're losing a part of yourself and/or a bit of your identity when you compromise for the the sake of your spouse, whether it is regarding something minor or not.
    and about your second paragraph dalal, well for starts, i adore you! and i could't agree less. i think compromise in this culture is a burden that mostly women bare upon themselves. i truly believe that kuwaiti women have persevered and taken a lot of sh!t from their husbands. of course there are some women out there who are absolute monsters who make their husbands go through hell everyday, but i think they are a minority when compared to the good number of married women who are advised to be patient with their husbands and give them time to "cool off." for me, that shows weakness and it shows that whoever that man is, well, he's no man at all.

    sushi: lol yes i do know what you mean (!) but for now, i think i will keep my hopes up for something that makes my heart flutter. but yes, i think if im unmarried by the time im 33, i think my priorities will be a tad bit lower :P but in general, i would really hate to live my life with a man i call my husband; i would much rather call him my hot best friend for life who gives the best massages in the darn country...*rubs upper back in pain*

    1001: you know for a while, i was scratching my head thinking "where is 1001! i want her to comment on this one in particular!" :P
    about your second sentence, i DO agree with you. a good friend of mine's friends (a bit of a stretch there) were dating for 9 years and after one year of marriage, they called it quits. i personally was adamantly against arranged marriages of any sort, even the ones where you get to know the other person in the privacy of your house for an extended period of time. however, someone close to me got to know her present-day husband in only 5 months and now they have one of the most successful marriages i've seen. so yes, it is about luck, it is about clicking with that person and meshing well with their personality, character and overall being. i mean, you can have two completely good people but they're simply not good together and you know, i think that that's just fine; nothing should be forced otherwise it'll just fall apart in time. about the brain vs heart issue. well, i do believe that one should be wary about family background, education level (that's a biggie for me), and other details. but i noticed that nowadays, you can't really tell how a person is just by looking at his/her family as people have done before. so you have to inquire about their personal beliefs, leanings, ambitions, wants, likes and dislikes and regardless of the technical replies, i think you have to feel out the whole picture. are you comfortable? do you relate? do you find yourself nodding in satisfaction or involuntarily frowning at the unexpected responses? i just think that it's those little things that count...it's kind of sad that people overlook chemistry because i think it is KEY. what scares me is that imagine if there is no real depth between a husband and his wife. the probability of them clicking with someone else (something that comes naturally and really cannot be avoided because who can stop emotions anyway?) is high, whether it be bumping into the new muse at work or at a family gathering. i think it's important to be very much into one's spouse so their mind wouldn't even think about taking action, mental or physical, when someone else sparks their interest or may actually seem like the one for them. yeah...
    :)
  24. Anonymous holla posted at 11:53 PM  
    helo i jsut readed ur blog and mashallah ur very smarts and intelligence girel wish i think will having a briteness future in loves and marryage, so donut listen to this istubid guy anonymoose who is cobykitten loser.

    thankin u and happy easters!!1!
  25. Blogger 1001 Nights posted at 11:44 AM  
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  26. Blogger 1001 Nights posted at 11:51 AM  
    Hehehe 3ad I wrote something earlier but then I had to leave so that's why I commented later :) Shoofi I'm with you and definitely compatibility and chemistry are both crucial at the decision-making stage but I just think marriage can fail DESPITE having those things. So i7na lazim nad3ee inna Alla ywafigna moo bass n3itimid 3ala il compatability. I totally agree about inquiring about character traits because family is not indicative of everything about the individual. Bass moo bass chithee, you need to watch out for the smooth talking educated people as well. The educational level thing used to be a big thing for me and sort of still is but I have to warn you about something - beware of confusing educational level with classiness or even civility. I've come to see that people can be very well schooled without being very well raised. Oh and the thought of having an emotional chasm through which a spouse falls for someone other than his/her marriage partner is horrible. I think that during a marriage that lasts years and years there have to be points of very strong love and points where love weakens due to stress & arguments. A married person should be protective of his/her emotional state and not put him/herself in the position where they get close to anyone enough for them to fall for them at the points in time when love weakens in their marriage.
  27. Blogger Erzulie posted at 4:13 PM  
    holla: thanks and happy easter to you holla :))

    1001: i agree with you totally. i too know a few of very intelligent and educated people who are also the most disrespectful people i have come across. it shocks me to know of such facts because one would think that all that education might have tweaked that person's rotten personality. however, such characteristics are extremely hard to change if not impossible because in the end, one's upbringing, childhood and parents (or in this case, their negligence, ignorance and/or carelessness) mold that person from birth. so if someone is not brought up well, i think that it's difficult for them to grow up to be a moral human being regardless of their education. when i spoke of education, i meant it in a more personal not general sense meaning that i would prefer my someone to have traveled abroad (maybe even studied abroad), attended a private school in kuwait before college, and basically have a good grasp of understanding and communicating in english (otherwise i'd have to rely on translating every other sentence that comes out of my mouth).
  28. Anonymous Nikki posted at 9:49 PM  
    Hi there!
    I got here looking for a song - you have really good taste in music! ^^ - and ended up reading your posts.I absolutely agree with you.To me, marriage sort of ends things, ends the magic, you know?And if you REALLY like the person, why dont just move in together, see how things go?So much easier, no pressure (much, anyway).
    I was thinking, these days.I'll only marry if I feel that kind of love you described up there.The kind you cant even put in words, because words, the kind you cant even remember when it started, because you cant remember not feeling it.But, in one month?I dont think so.
    Anyway, I just think you write some quite interesting things here.It was very fortunate that I stopped by ;)

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