Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Question of the Day: If you have a fight in you, who would you rather go up against?*

Warning: Although imaginative, this post is slightly violent and downright mean. You've been warned.

Once upon a dreary evening, I was jogging in my district's walkway when I felt a random bout of anger in me. It was quite strange because I did not know the source of my frustration. I started to observe the many passersby and think about who I would like to take my anger out on. The assortment of people who walked/jogged/bicycled by me included:

- middle aged men and their round bellies

- women wearing a niqab

- young women with and without the hijab

- young women wearing sporty clothing

- athletic, hairy-legged men of all ages wearing 70's style shorts

- emaciated male runners

- young, overweight men

- troublesome preteens

- chubby women

- a child on a bicycle

I cannot recount every person I saw but I ended up choosing one of the young, overweight men, specifically one fatty who was about 28-32 years of age. He was wearing beige sports pants and a white shirt that highlighted his moobs as he walked ever so slowly while swinging his rosary breads around. I figured that if I punched, slapped, kicked and bit him, he wouldn't feel anything because of the layer of blubber and plus, he wouldn't be able to catch up with me if I ran and fled the scene.

But the question still stands: what kind of person (think age, gender, status, looks, etc.) would you feel all right to randomly pick on physically be it a simple, crisp slap on the cheek or smart kick on the rear or a combination of something else? It could be someone you don't know that you can describe from head to toe or it could be someone famous. Again, it's all up to you in the end.

* NB: Dear mama - I mentioned this post to you over lunch the other day and although I stated that it's all in good fun, you said that it might not be a great idea to go ahead with it, "Why make yourself sound like a deranged and aggressive lunatic? People might read it and say "Lay7ooshik!" (translated figuratively: I'm not getting close to this woman!)" But as you can see, I have decided to post it because, well, I still think it's funny :P~

Heights of Abraham - 700 Channels
Miles Davis - Rated x (Doc Scott Remix)
St. Germain - Rose Rouge
Major Swellings - Assquake
Cal Tjader - Soul Sauce (Fila Brazillia Remix)
Jean Grae & 9th Wonder - This World
Digable Planets - 9th Wonder (Blackitolism)

at 9:00 AM


  1. Anonymous chika posted at 9:11 AM  
    I'd rather go against a chubby man as well, part of it because the chubiness is cute in a way that it helps absorb the impact so no pain, other thing is that "fluffiness" would make me stop as soon as I begin.
  2. Anonymous pearls posted at 11:37 AM  
    I try my best not to pick fights with anyone by locking myself in my room or shopping works for me. if I had to then it will be one of my co-workers, family member or just a random somebody but not kids. I don't like fighting with men I try to avoid them as much as possible

    Erzulie, I won't say "lay7ooshik" because it's okay for us to vent on others sometimes
  3. Blogger K.thekuwaiti posted at 1:14 PM  
    I agree with your mother, and not because I am a young overweight man (who may or may not have a set of beige sports pants in his closet).
  4. Blogger Fee posted at 3:22 PM  
    hmm, well, if it was up to me i'd probaby beat the shit out of this fat ass nasty b*#t#&, who's been treating me like "crap on a stick" lately!

    Listen Erzulie, you know that im a nice girl, sweet, and sensitive, but if you mess with me and start treating me like a 3yr know ill use this 6'1 height of mine and squash your lil head with my oversized feet! grrrr! Crap! i have some anger issues don't i? i bet everyone reading this is going to say something like "someone needs some anger management"

  5. Blogger KTDP posted at 3:47 PM  
    patients ..... all of them ..... especially the ones with hemorrhoids ... damn bastards are just annoying ......
  6. Blogger Swair. posted at 6:52 PM  
    Laish el verification yuma :(

    Anyways, I'd probably b****-slap a specific person at school with me.. early 30's, wants to be skinny so wears the tightest clothes ever, is the staff spy so nobody can say anything with her around because she's a w***e... gggrrrrr...

    Yea, I'd do it hehe
  7. Blogger nQ posted at 7:37 PM  
    early twenties
    qo6i rob hijab
    clown inspired makeup (with snow-white foundation base)
    rainbow’s vomit tight tight skirt (over pants)
    ..and I’d probably punch her right as she says “ambaih masadig”

    *goes back to breakfast*
  8. Blogger Erzulie posted at 11:42 PM  
    chika: i love the fluffiness bit :P i wouldn't go against chubby though; atrociously fat/obese would be my target especially the ones who move in that sloth-like manner. i think it's the same repulsion one would get from that obese guy from the movie "se7en." can this post be anymore discriminatory? oh well...

    pearls: well, i personally would say "lay7ooshik"! venting is one thing but being physical about it is something else i.e. not normal! it's all for fun though :P i wouldn't hit kids too; i think the starting age range would be punks in their early teenage years, you know, the pimply, big-nosed boys who spew out snide remarks from a bench they've all gathered on near the co-op? those. those deserve a good beating on the butt.

    k: i agree with my mom too; she's logical about my post whereas i am anything but :P~ and honey bunches of oats, you're not THAT overweight. you'd be surprised at how many gals think that some squish is positively above and beyond :P~ at the end of the day, you're a guy and according to what dear mama says, "il rayal yinshal 3ana il qalam." (hope i said that quote right)

    fee: WELL, i read it and thought, "my lil fee sure needs to enroll in an anti-anger class pronto!" and of course you can sit on anyone who p!sses you off and prevent them from good ol', life sustaining oxygen. then again, no one is worth that hawt rear of yours :P~~ and you didn't tell me who the punk was! laterz :P

    ktdp: jesus! well, this scares me. i hope you don't treat me one day! and why hemorrhoids! i mean, one of the greatest pleasures in life is to feel content after doing your number one and two's. i pity the hemorrhoid patients :/

    swair: i think if you continue having that negative vibe toward the little fatty, the negativity might soon gravitate to her and force her to trip over her gaudy heels, fall on her face and cause her to rip her pants in the process. only then might she forgo her skintight attire :) gosh i am getting meaner by the day! oh lovely lovely lovely...

    nq: *laughing* very nice :P loved the description :)
  9. Blogger Bodie Broduas posted at 3:03 AM  
    Sean Penn. Something about that bastard pisses me the fuck off. Oh, and erzulie, what you know about my man Patrick Douthit? ur musical stylings are impressing me more and more everyday...
  10. Blogger Q80 Saracen posted at 11:32 AM  
    Its funny, because I haven't commented on anything in months and this is the post that inspired an input...

    For me, it would be open season on early teenagers with the Dragon Ball Z haircuts, and thin ass pants that show you every unflattering curve on his anorexic body along with his long giraffe like neck, while wearing a fake Diesel t-shirt (from places named after western chocolates) and two front teeth that protrude slightly past the bottom lip, twirling his misbaa7 aggressively as he checks out anything that moves with vertical motion eye contact that can only be described as peasant-like behavior, all while walking the length of the shopping mall without any intention of purchasing more than a bag of 7ab shamsee that he will place with pride in his Mowwwstaang.

    Phew...I feel so much better.

    Now to go find the perfect of altercation to follow ;-)
  11. Blogger jambino posted at 2:32 PM  
    I don't know why this song came to mind when I read your post ;p
  12. Blogger Erzulie posted at 9:55 PM  
    bodie: but sean penn's ugly hot! and please, let's not go near my music. my iPod died on me two weeks ago and I almost got a heart attack. in all seriousness, i don't think that i can live without my music.

    q80 saracen: loved the details and i KNOW who you're talking about :P i'd rather have a taser gun at hand when i see those hoodlums wandering around the malls aimlessly and hitting on anything with T&A regardless of age. imagine them wriggling on the ground in shock. oh god i am such a nazi.

    jambino: you jambino are disqualified because you haven't posted anything on your blog for over a month, didn't participate in this post by typing who you would like to abuse and you linked me with that atrocious Pink song. oh the shame jambino, THE SHAME! you know how i like my artists: dead :P~ i'm an old soul after all...yalla go post something for me s'il vous plait :) and with mp3's! mehhh....
  13. Blogger Bodie Broduas posted at 11:47 PM  
    erzulie, nazis are jealous of ur meanness :p im sorry about ur music collection dying ... i can hook u up :p
  14. Blogger Erzulie posted at 4:44 PM  
    bodie: well, i'm trying to move on from that catastrophe. i have all my music except the stuff that i purchased legally and through itunes, ironically. i logged into my account but for some reason, i cannot get to all the songs that i bought. most of them are oldies though. oldies but goodies :/
  15. Anonymous A 3 AM Flight posted at 2:30 AM  
    Wow I thought I was the only one who got these aggressive mood swings while walking/jogging and passing by people. In fact, I had one today which was partially one of the reasons as to why I ended my walk earlier than usual.

    My choice would be the athletic, hairy-legged men of all ages wearing 70's style shorts (shorts that I've actually been looking for).

    I guess because they can possibly put up a fight.

    I would do the opposite of what your mom said out of sheer fascination lol.
  16. Blogger Erzulie posted at 6:10 AM  
    a 3am flight: you're looking for those shorts? to wear in public? *snickers*
  17. Blogger error posted at 1:29 PM  
    young women driving carollas
  18. Blogger Erzulie posted at 1:33 PM  
    error: the only time i drove one was during one christmas in kuwait in my college years and it was a rental. i drive a 4x4.
  19. Anonymous Anonymous posted at 8:32 AM  
    sarah palin.. wih the hope she comes back chasing me !!! lol
  20. Blogger John Galt posted at 6:29 PM  
    If I ever have a fight in me I'd go up against ME.
  21. Blogger Erzulie posted at 1:01 AM  
    purple: i think that she's one of the main reasons mccain lost

    john: that's a lifelong battle :)

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