Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Dave Barry's 16 Things...

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."


3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."


4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.


5. You should not confuse your career with your life.


6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


7. Never lick a steak knife.


8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.


9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.


10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.


12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.


13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)


14. Your friends love you anyway.


15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a
large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


PS's...
Fila Brazilia - Furball Shindig
Jose Zamora & Damian DP - Transatlantic
Mint Royale - My Heart is Beating Fast

at 6:25 AM

22 Comments

  1. Blogger Tooomz posted at 8:22 AM  
    I love Dave Barry :D
  2. Blogger Delicately Realistic posted at 10:17 AM  
    Haaaaahahhaahaaha

    My faves: 12 , 13 & thought of the day!
  3. Blogger 7tenths posted at 5:53 PM  
    Hahahaha, good stuff :) I liked 10 (pregnant lady) & 11 (birthday) most :P Here's something that took me 21 years (and counting) to learn: There is no such thing as a 5 minute break! :/
  4. Blogger the11thmuse posted at 6:35 PM  
    LOL!
  5. Blogger LaiaLy_q8 posted at 7:27 PM  
    i totally agree with #8
  6. Blogger Erzulie posted at 7:47 PM  
    tooomz: Ditto :)

    DR: Lol yeah...very true esp. #13

    7tenths: I disagree with the birthday thing. I celebrate my friend's b-days even when they themselves don't make a big deal out of it. Cake and balloons and a few gifts...good times :)

    11th muse: :)

    Laialy: Heh, I KNOW :)
  7. Blogger MeoW posted at 8:05 PM  
    I like your blog :)
  8. Blogger 7tenths posted at 8:20 PM  
    Liked as in found funny :P Double bind..
  9. Blogger Homer Al-Simpson posted at 10:56 PM  
    One thing I've learned is that I wanna experience and learn all these things myself, on my own without anyone telling me so……well except for #1, I don’t need to experience what happens there ;p
  10. Blogger Sou posted at 2:30 AM  
    Loved 16!! lol!
  11. Blogger Erzulie posted at 4:44 AM  
    Meow: Thanks :)

    7tenths: *smiles and shakes head*

    Homer: Lol! True :P And I'm a firm believer in birthdays so, that's a no for me :P

    Sou: Damn right ;P
  12. Blogger 7tenths posted at 8:41 AM  
    *Scratches chin, wondering what she meant by that*
  13. Blogger Dr.Lost posted at 2:11 PM  
    HILARIOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS :)
    loved it...
    number one was 2 funny...

    loved the bit about viagra/implants/alzheimers..

    excellent post , made me laugh my ass off..
  14. Blogger nanu posted at 11:12 PM  
    lol..funny and true
    I liked 10, i've seen ladies who looked pregnant and thanked god a million times that I didn't mention this to them cuz they turn out to be NOT pregnant....and i'm a girl (not that this would make it seem any better)
  15. Blogger Erzulie posted at 11:21 PM  
    7tenths: *cocks head to the right and smiles*

    Dr.Lost: :)

    Nanu: I know! I never ask! I just peer at them because they do seem to have that "pregnant bump." And I mean they're not overweight, the fat is just bunched up there...strange...
  16. Blogger Homer Al-Simpson posted at 1:39 AM  
    hmmm, sounds like a beer belly, makes you wonder ;p
  17. Blogger Erzulie posted at 8:20 AM  
    Dr.Lost: Hmm...nope. It's looks more like a hard mass of fat near the belly button area. A beer belly is a little bit lower and swooshes around with a jiggle.
  18. Blogger The Krispy Dixie posted at 9:36 AM  
    is dave barry that guy who is in that T.V. show?? I can't remember what it's called.. it's set in miami... he has two boys and a wife... his next door neighbor is that guy who does the voice of Kronk in Emperors New Groove... am I way off the mark here??

    :/ I think I have too much time on my hands....

    Anywho, it was a great post! The last one is priceless!!
    So true about the people being nice to waiters thing! The pregnant lady one is REALLY good advice! :D

    very nice post indeed.. I think I'm going back to your home page to see ur other posts!

    bye now! :D
  19. Blogger The Krispy Dixie posted at 9:37 AM  
    P.S. The T.V. show I am referring to is set some time in the late 80's/early 90's so ignore the present tense! :P
  20. Blogger Erzulie posted at 11:37 AM  
    Krispy: Hehehe, yeah I think that's another guy :)
  21. Blogger raf* posted at 5:05 PM  
    dear e,

    i KNOW #9.

    ;)

    --raf*
  22. Blogger Erzulie posted at 1:35 AM  
    Raf: What is it then!

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