Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Harlot Returns

A sweet freshman from a nearby university called me a couple of days ago. Her mother was in the country for some time and she insisted on cooking up a traditional Kuwaiti meal for the few female students in the area. The girl had called a week earlier but I was too busy to make the weekday lunch. This time, however, I gladly accepted her invitation.
I entered their neat apartment and was greeted by her rosy-cheeked mother and was introduced to genial young woman from Al-G6eef who had arrived in the U.S. with her younger brother only a week ago to commence her graduate studies. After we engaged in small-talk about the weather, the area, and the universities, the Harlot burst into the room, clad in a fuchsia knit shrug, a yellow top that displayed her slightly swollen midsection, and furry Mukluk Boots over her airtight jeans that gave her a plumber’s butt even before she sat down.

“Umbaih! Erzulie I missed you!” She gushed false-heartedly as she wiggled toward me. As soon as I stood up to receive her superficial kiss, she blurted out, “Erzuliyo! Labsa ka3ab ba3ad!” Everyone glanced down at my Pumas. Here we go again.

After a while, we settled down on the tiny dining table and consumed our spice filled meal before heading back to the couches to gorge on the assortment of cakes I brought along with me from a nearby bakery. I was playing hostess, slicing and distributing the portions. I was on my knees, using two hands as I cut the cakes to place them onto the paper plates piled on the coffee table when I noticed a shadow hovering above me.

“6a3 hathi! Ta36eni akbar caika 3ashan it9eer ath3af wa7da fena!”
I wrinkled my eyebrows and turned to her, “La haw shal 7achi…ekthay eli tabeena.”

After twenty minutes of scarfing down dessert, I thanked my friend’s mother for the meal and excused myself, mostly because I had some work to do back home.
The sweet freshman offered to walk me outside.

As soon as we closed the front door, we heard her guffaw, “Shiftaw il farg beinha o bein Erzulie!”
The shy freshman looked at me and weakly smiled knowingly.

PS Elton John - Tiny Dancer

at 1:34 PM

20 Comments

  1. Blogger kila ma6goog posted at 1:55 PM  
    i didnt get it clearly, is that about enna ur very tall? compared to other ladies?

    and i dunno what is ur culture bas if ur scared of el 3ain u can wear a 7erz:P
  2. Blogger Trevelyana posted at 3:50 PM  
    Severe case of Napoleon's Complex?

    Does she have a high voice?.. reading this I can almost hear her screeching..
  3. Blogger SheWrites posted at 5:29 PM  
    I just had to post my appreciation at the Elton John diddy.
    :)

    N.
  4. Blogger Kthekuwaiti posted at 7:53 PM  
    Just give her dirty looks until she gets the point. Usually works with obnoxious Kuwaiti girls...
  5. Blogger Erzulie posted at 9:28 PM  
    Kila Ma6goog: Heh, I'm not scared of el 3ain but I do wear a 7erz because my sister gave me a pretty one :) And her, well...all right I mean I totally get it when people are like "Mashallah 6oweela" or whatever but I have never in my life encountered anyone who picked on it every 5 minutes! And I'm tall (177 cm) but I don't think that's extremely uncommon in Kuwait!

    Leeno: She does have a high -and loud- voice!

    Shewrites: Hey! Where are ya! I was checking your blog a while ago and I saw your "4" thing...I hope all is well...and it's one of my fave songs :)

    KtheKuwaiti: Mhmm, yeah. I'd rather ignore her though. She's a little insecure kid. But if she gets too outta hand I guess I'll confront her or something...
  6. Blogger MiYaFuSHi posted at 10:30 PM  
    Whats a 7erz??
  7. Blogger Reema posted at 12:58 AM  
    May i ask why she is called a harlot? :)
  8. Blogger MBH posted at 1:25 AM  
    Seen it before. I thought this is typical amongst many Kuwaiti girls.
  9. Blogger 7tenths posted at 4:20 AM  
    Hahahaha, yeah I got a harlot in my life too, but luckily he's everybody's harlot; maybe it's the same with your plump little demon ;) But hey without people like that, we wouldn't be able to appreciate ourselves more :) & cool song pic, for once I know it!
  10. Blogger Erzulie posted at 6:36 AM  
    Miyafushi: Wallah I translated il 7erz as the little 3ain "evil eye" thing...kila ma6goog, correct me if I'm wrong...I just immediately thought of that...

    Reema: Read previous post pertaining to this person possessing lowly attributes.

    mbh: Well, that's what I hear but seriously I have never encountered a demon myself! And I know that I may seem sarcastic and etc. right here BUT I don't really know how to handle roguish mongrels really well in real life especially when they have a sly way to sneak in remarks that hit the soft-spot...

    7tenths: Yeah I love the song too :) And I agree about the appreciation part...
  11. Blogger ZinZinQ8 posted at 7:45 AM  
    Zain sawaitay you ignored her. If you want to be really annoying,next time, smile genuinely and laugh full-heartedly when she comments on your height. Height is a great thing to have. Don't let anyone make you feel embarassed by it. Nowadays, to be taller is one of the standards for beauty, even for a girl.

    Regarding the eating part, some girls do encourage others to eat more to make them gain weight on purpose. Just steer away from looking like you're encouraging people to eat, even if it means cutting them small portions when you're hostessing.
  12. Blogger Pedro posted at 8:09 AM  
    Actually I don't think you should bother with how large the piece of cake you gave her!! if she thinks she's fat she shouldn't eat the whole thing, or any of it as a matter of fact!.. her comment to you was qala6 from the very beginning! aw atleast not funny!.. if she thinks you think she's fat then thats her problem u didn't do anything wrong:P... o 3alaich bil3afya 3al6ool..MASHALLAAAH;D
  13. Blogger DiiGMaa posted at 11:08 AM  
    Darling if that unpleasant hag keeps annoying you then just smile in her face :) she'll soon realize that envying other ppls blessing (Mashalla 3al 6ool 3aini 3ailich barda) will not make her any slimmer or taller or anything in fact ! Just a pest!! Let her learn the hard way :) she'll learn better :)
    btw, enjoying ur writting :)
  14. Blogger DareDevil posted at 11:09 AM  
    nice post
  15. Blogger Erzulie posted at 11:30 AM  
    Zinzinq8: Well, that's the thing. I do laugh and smile and well, be myself! But as I said before, I've never met anyone who was so obsessed about looks! I have friends that fret about their weight and such (you know, typical female concerns) but never to that extent! And I hate to write about this once and again but seriously, some girls are just too insecure to enjoy life! And about the cake thing...I was just merely cutting the damned thing! It was good though; I had the coconut cream pie...it was yummy :P~

    Pedro: Wallah madry 3anha. I feel a bit pitiful because truthfully, she is pretty and she doesn't need to be obsessing about this particular and rather useless issue that will fade within time and all you have left is an empty heart...

    Diigmaa: Welcome :) Yeah, I'm just being cheery and merry about the whole thing...I mean, I know deep down she doesn't mean to be this way...I guess -and hope- it's just the last phase of teenage confusion...

    Daredevil: :)
  16. Blogger Sedna posted at 2:05 PM  
    177? Hehehe you're my height! :)
  17. Blogger Closet Diva posted at 7:00 PM  
    great description of the Harlot's outfit. The "plumber's butt" cracked me up.

    umbaih, 7adhaa iqharatni hal Harlot hathi. Do you think she's aware of how obnoxious she is?
  18. Blogger Erzulie posted at 9:18 PM  
    Sedna: YAY!

    Closet Diva: Seriously, her butt is pouring out, literally. Cover up! I mean, I wear jeans and shirts and such but I keep my privates private! I don't think she knows she's acting immaturely...but I do think she considers herself cute (although I don't say that word) in an attention hoarding way...I say give her a few years...Hopefully she'll grow out of it...
  19. Blogger Emikweesta posted at 1:36 AM  
    I really feel disgusted when I hear ppl like that still exist...

    nice song by the way :)
  20. Blogger Erzulie posted at 4:30 AM  
    emikweesta: Sadly enough...

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